We spent most nights at his flat because it had the big flat screen tv with surround and everything brand new and ultra modern so when he asked me to move in with him I said yes straight away.
He was such a great guy, always making me laugh, bringing me flowers home on a Friday and he made life nice because he made an effort and he made me feel secure,like I finally had someone permanent in my life.
I didn’t see what was coming at all.
We was at the pub with some of our friends one night and his ex girlfriend walked in. I was really upset because he gave her a hug and kissed her, so I went to sit outside but then he come outside shouting and balling, calling me every name you can imagine but I think I was so shocked at how he was going off I just stayed quiet but then he started punching me in my head. One of his friends came out and stopped him then he called me a cab home.
At home I looked in the mirror at my sore head, scratches and bruises, but what hurt the most was that he had actually done it. I couldn’t believe what he had done.
The next morning he came home and  was full of apologies saying he was so sorry and things would be different, he also promised he wouldn’t ever drink or hurt me again.
I believed him and things did get better for about a year and then I found out I was pregnant, I told him and he was over the moon with the news. A few months later he came home one night drunk, and after telling me I had ruined his life he punched me in the stomach. I ended up in hospital that night but thank god My baby was all right.
When I got home I gave him the ultimatum, and told him he had to choose alcohol or me. He chose me.
A few months after our baby was born the drinking started again and the abuse gradually got worse. I stayed with him because I couldn’t see any other way out.
I couldn’t go back to work because I had no one to look after my baby and literally had no one I could turn to.
My way of life became moving from one house to another with him, as people became aware of the abuse and knew i was suffering. I became an expert at hiding bruises and he was good at not leaving them where they could be seen. It’s been tough and often there’s been times I’ve not had a pound for food so I stopped eating so what we did have would go further.
As long as he had his cans of strong cider he didn’t care. He would shout and go mad when our baby cried and tell me to shut the brat up or else. Every day I lived in fear, never knowing what kind of mood he was going to be in.
One weekend we argued and I asked him to leave but he refused. I went to call the police and he just hit the phone out of my hands and pushed me to the floor, he put his hands around my throat and squeezed and when he let go I was struggling to stand up and lent over, gasping for breath but then he pushed me to the ground and started punching and kicking me. I really thought he was going to kill me.
One night he made me walk to the shop to fetch him his cans of cider because it was pouring down with rain and he didn’t want to get wet. I got home and my baby was sat shaking, I was mortified and terrified. He had sat our baby in the bath with the cold tap running during winter. I begged him to leave and then rang his mum for help. When his mum came nearly 3 hours later she was drunk too saying “come home with me son I know she’s a lying bitch” He spat at me and then left to go to his mums.
I was so frightened but I knew I had to protect my baby. I started searching help for domestic violence and found telephone numbers.
I rang different services, the first number I called asked If he was in the house and told me to lock all the doors, windows and to call them back if he did come back and tried attacking me. I started ringing round refuges but some told me that they were full and said if I had any family or friends that It would be better to go and stay with them. I tried some numbers and it was just going on to voicemail. I started to sob because I had no idea what I was going to do and I was desperate to leave that night but I had no where to go.
The more i sobbed, the more my baby cried.
I rang a number and a lady answered but I still don’t have any idea how she understood a word I said because I was sobbing trying to explain what had happened and holding my baby who was also sobbing.
I remember saying to this lady “I’ve got no where to go and no friends to turn to and I think If he comes back he’ll kill me or do something to the baby please help me”
She asked if she could call me back i remember saying “do you promise?” She gave me her word.
My phone rang in under a minute from a different number but it was the same lady and she told me that she was really sorry but this organisation didn’t offer refuge spaces, but she was ringing me as a friend and then said that she would help me and I just started crying even more. I told her that I didn’t have any money to get anywhere and she said don’t worry about that let’s just make sure you and your baby are safe. I couldn’t believe it then and I still can’t believe it now that this woman went above and beyond to help me.
I was trembling while I packed a bag of clothes mainly for my baby and I was just hoping he wouldn’t come back and catch me leaving. The lady I was speaking to on the phone knocked on my door and she was so nice and so calm,
She said I know you’re scared but don’t be because it’s all going to be ok.
Driving away that night, I felt so safe but I was a bit scared of the future, and what he would do when he found out we had gone.
This amazing lady made sure we was safe that night and ever since and for what’s she’s done for me is incredible and she really does deserve a medal because she didn’t have to help us.
She’s been the best friend anyone could wish for and I just don’t know how I’ll ever thank her.
I’ve just been given the keys to our new house and I wanted to say thank you with all my heart to this organisation for all the help they’ve given me and for getting me all I needed to have a home, all my furniture, all my appliances and just a new opportunity to rebuild a life that’s safe for me and my baby.

I’ll never forget what you have done and never know how to say thank you.

​Janine (Survivor)

Next story – Kim’s story.