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Jill's Story

My partner walked in to the other room and my little dog were shaking with his little eyes just staring up at me. I picked him up so fast and just kissed and cuddled him.

Im in tears writing this but and I just feel like I owe Francine the biggest thank u like you wouldnt believe because without her today could have been a different story and I don’t know how I can describe it but Its like ive been carrying heavy weights and I were in shackles.

I was with my ex for over 10 years but he didnt just get up one morning and decide to beat me up it were just really slow and he was so grumpy, say If we didnt agree it were like he couldnt take that I didnt think the same as him and then he just shut me down for days on end and he wouldnt say one single word. I’m soft me and I cant stand arguing I like a quiet life so I thought  it would make it better If I just used to say sorry; and ask him what he wanted for his tea but he still ignored me and when I say ignored it were literally like I werent even there ; hed just carry on doing whatever he were doing and not have any eye contact what so ever and once he give me the silent treatment so bad and for so long I ended up just sat on our stairs crying. I cant tell you how worthless and terrible I felt but he still didnt say a word he just stepped over me and went to bed. I would have packed my bags and gone there and then If id had somewhere to go but he knew I didnt have any body so what started off moody and miserable and him ignoring me for days on end till I were crying on our stairs turned into him throwing or kicking me down the stairs.

To be with someone like this is so hard and if youve never had a partner like it some people might find it hard or even not understand but it’s like part of me felt so sorry for him and I kidded myself thinking hed change and see how he were hurting me but he never changed he just got worse and worse and worse.
I’ll never forget 4Yrs ago I were in our living room because the front window was looking on our drive so id watch him pull and get out after work and try to see what mood he were in; they were no point really because you never knew one minute from next but this day he pulled up and I thought what’s he got In his arms? it looked like a blanket but when he come through that door I couldnt believe this little dog he passed to me.
I thought it were a turning point and he might have started  realising it were wrong to be like that with me.
I fell head over heels in love with my little dog he were my little boy that come everywhere with me and watched my every move. He knew what I were going through and he did his best bless him but he were only little. If he tried to help me and bark he would get a kick aswell I used to think oh please god please dont let him get hurt.
He weren’t being nice that day he walked through that door with my little dog, he did it because he knew full well how much i loved animals and he got me my little boy because he knew he were going to use my little dog and the only friend i had in this world to torture me and make me suffer even more.
I never knew what were coming next one second he could be sat watching tele and then next second he might be strangling me or he might just knock me out cold.
Them times when I did have to go to a&e because he nearly killed me he never left me to be on my own with a doctor or nurse it were like he were a complete different man he would be in tears holding and kissing my hand saying come on love your going to be alright so course people would think he were a caring man.
A few times a nurse or doctor asked me to go in to a little side room on my own with them and the look he would give me before I went in was one of them to say you dare say a word and Ill kill you. I never said a word to them I just wanted to get home as quick as I could to see my little dog my lovely little boy and make sure he were alright.
He did suffer so much and it breaks my heart he never got to go for a walk or play with a ball he were just let on our garden for 2 minutes then straight back in and if he had a little tiddle in our house he would be dragged and lifted up with his neck and shaken then held up in front of my face. My ex would shout saying you can’t control this filthy animal It’s time this dirty little bastard is killed. and my little boys eyes would just be filled with fear I begged and pleaded and then he would just throw him to the floor I used to think oh please just do what you want to me but please dont hurt him please just leave him alone.
Second week in lock down were terrible because he couldnt go out of our house he made my little dog suffer more as well; he didnt let him go out on our back garden so after 3 days he had a little accident on our kitchen floor. he didn’t do it on the carpet it were tiles floor so I could have cleaned and disinfected it easy but he didn’t see it like that. He picked him up with scruff of his neck and put a bread knife to his throat and said this filthy bastard dies today. I couldn’t feel my legs and my heart just felt like it left my body and I don’t know where I was I must have just been totally numb but when he dropped him and that sound of my little boy hitting that floor will haunt me for the rest of my life I didnt know if he was dead. My partner walked in to the other room and my little dog were shaking with his little eyes just staring up at me.I picked him up so fast and just kissed and cuddled him. I knew that lockdown were going to make things a lot worse and that were the day I run out of that door with my little boy in my arms and not one other thing. I just run and banged on a door but I didn’t have a clue who lived there and when they come to the window they were saying we can’t let you in with social distance what’s a matter? I said Id run out of my house to escape from my partner and he’d already tried to kill my dog I said I’ve been locked in that house for a lot longer than a week and half then they let us both in. My little boy were shivering and I felt his little chest pounding I just didn’t have a clue where I were but these people did phone the  police who have been brilliant.
The thing was we had no where to go and the only refuge that i could go were miles away and then when they said I weren’t allowed my little dog with me I just broke down and it were like my world crumbled.
These lovely people were ringing all over and I sat on a kitchen chair just heartbroke and every time they phoned some body they were saying no problem but thanks anyway; I thought oh please some body must be able to help me some where.
The man who lived here passed his mobile to me and said can you just talk to this lady for a minute? so I took the phone and I just cried saying please please will you help me.
A woman on the end of the phone said dont you worry Im going to help you and I’m not going to leave you until I do. God bless this woman, she did come to see us straight away and she is the loveliest woman I’ve ever met; she said that it must have took unbelievable strength for me to leave like that and she said I should be so proud of myself but I needed to go miles away to this refuge; so I’ll be safe and she said she would look after my little dog until I could have him back. This morning I’ve moved Into a new house and it werent long before all these vans pulled up because shes made certain shes sent me every thing for our new home. Next minute a car come and Francine got out without carrying anything I thought oh no wheres my baby? then I saw my little boy jump out of the car looking so beautiful like a he’s a new puppy; hes so playful and happy now and all them shackles have gone and Francine it’s you who broke us away and Its  you who chopped them horrible chains and shackles that have been so heavy to carry for so long but you’ve set us free. We will both look forward to seeing you again and thank you for helping us like you have and keeping my baby safe then getting me all these things and all these lovely treats and toys for my little sweetie pie dog who I can see loves you to bits as well.

Francine you are an amazing woman with an amazing charity.

Jill (Survivor)

Next storyEmma’s story. 

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